a realization.

Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun. Life is full of fake people. It’s so easy to believe someone when they TELL you exactly what you want to hear. But when a person SHOWS you who they really are, believe them the first time. Some people are only nice for their own convenience. The type of people who only call when they need something or come around when it’s beneficial to them. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. But sometimes you have to be tricked and mislead by the wrong lovers and friends once or twice in your life in order to find and appreciate your soul mate and real friends when they arrive.

——

Here’s to the people who’ve seen me, been with me at my worst, and yet, for reasons beyond my comprehension, are still around. I’ve been counting my misfortunes, lately, completely neglecting all my blessings. I’ve come to realize how truly loved I am. By family. By friends.I’m just beyond grateful for those people who look out for me when I need looking out for. For those people who know well enough to comfort me, even when I insist I don’t need comforting, because, usually, those are the times I’m dealing with things I can’t face alone, but choose to anyway because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I may not have too many close friends, but those I do consider my close friends, I could never imagine life wiithout now.

I want to thank you, one by one, but it would take too long. I have too much to thank each of you for. I pray in my heart that you realize who you are. I hope I’ve been at least half the friend you deserve.

Sa lahat ng mga pagkukulang ko, sorry. I do what I can with what I have, and I know there are times it sometimes seems like it’s not enough.

And I guess, to be honest, sometimes I have this need to hold back. Because there’s still a bit of that cynic in me. That girl who’d been hurt by people she’d trusted the most. By people she thought she could trust her most guarded secrets with. People she truly loved, who would then just up and leave. That girl tells me, “Who’s to say they won’t do that to you, too?” But I think me being able to trust in you, opening up to you is a big enough leap of faith. And that you would trust in me and turn to me, too? I’m, for the lack of a better term, honored that you would confide in me. Not too many people do. I’ve been pegged as the friend you want around when you wana have fun, when you want a laugh; I’m not the “Hey, I have a problem. Can we talk?” variety of friend, or at least that’s what most people think. I haven’t had too many heart-to-hearts. I can recall every person I’ve had a heart-to-heart with. Really, you’re a chosen few. Ewan, baka napilitan lang kayo. Either way, some of our conversations I can never forget and I hold dear in my memories; be it a happy exchange of everything that’s going right in our lives, a sad soliloquy of all the drama we’re going through, an angry rant of the shitty things we’re forced to face… I have the memory of an elephant when it comes to these things.

Really, all I want to say is that I love you guys. So much. More than words can express.Isang salita lang,boom. There you are, texting me, calling me, messaging me, skyping me, writing me, emailing me, driving to my place which is so far removed from civilization. I’m so blessed to have people like you in my life. Other people could only be so lucky, I’ve come to realize.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[Again, I’m not naming names, but I just really hope if you’re reading this, you realize who you people are. You’re all from different circles of my life. Some of you I’ve known for not too long a time, but that doesn’t make me love you any less.]

——

Ang drama ko, no? Kailangan ko lang talagang ilabas.

EPISODE 8 [spoiler alert! spoiler alert!]

GAAAAAAAAAAH!

my heart cannot contain all my feels.

glimmers of hope for my sinking ship :3

and i wanna kill tarrlok. TAENE. effing blood bender.

and asami. cos screw her.

i was actually throwing things at sparky, poor thing.

i nearly threw sparky. oops.

——

happiness is:

“you’re pretty can i have some of your hair?”

“we shall meet again soon, beautiful woman.”

“asami, did you know korra likes mako?” [insert korra’s WTF ARE YOU DOING!?! face here]

“after you.” “what a gentleman” [insert asami’s jellybean face here] *i had to pause and squee*

——

where’s episode 9?

a rant.

feel free to ignore, i just have a need to vent right now.

——

[turn back now if you don’t want the full load of my drama unleashed unto your prying eyes.]

[bleep]! ang [bleep] mo talaga. di bale na nasaktan mo ako. [at salamat at nagawa mong humingi ng tawad sa akin. kasi. sa totoo lang, ulit-ulitin ko man na “ay, wala na yan” may tinik pa rin na naiwan. pero yun na nga. yung araw na yon. nung nag “I’m sorry” ka sa akin… sa totoo lang, umiyak ako. sa lungkot, sa ginhawa, sa tuwa. lahat na. di ko namalayang ganung kalalim ang sugat na naiwan mo. hindi ko talaga namalayan. at malamang sa malamang mas lalong di mo namalayan.]

NOT THE POINT.

totoo, di na uso ang martir sa mundo ngayon, pero. eto kasi yun. sige lang, saktan mo lang ako. hanggang ngayon, may pait pang di ma-alis-alis. matatanggal pa siya? ewan ko lang…

di naman halata na may problema rin ako sa yo no? [BLEEP] eto na talaga.

di katanggap-tanggap sa akin, na saktan mo ba naman kaibigan ko? isang kaibigang malapit sa puso ko. ay, di tama yun. at, dio mio, isang matalik na kaibigan mo rin? aba [bleep] ka talaga. naiintindihan ko na marami ka ring inaayos sa buhay mo… halatang halata. at alam kong maraming kelangang pag-isipan. pero. maawa ka sa tao. isang matapat at masinsinang usapan. yan lang ang hinihingi ko sa iyo. alam kong nagpapakatino ka na. nakikita ko yun. pero. yun. kung pwede lang, pag napag-ispan mo na ng mabuti, mag-usap kayo.

at. [bleep]

isa ka pa.

[BLEEP]! galit ako sayo. nagdagdag ka pa sa mga dahilan kung bakit di ako nagtatapat ng damdamin sa mga nagugustuhan ko eh. kasi. [bleep] as in. [bleep] talaga. oo, mahal pa rin kita. mahal na mahal. at lahat gagawin ko para sa iyo. pero, kung minsan, mapapansin mo na lang na medyo lumalayo na ako sa yo, pagbigyan mo na lang ako. di ko lang alam kung kaya kong lumayo sa yo. di siguro. sa tingin ko nga walang magbabago. mailabas ko lang na nasasaktan ako ngayon. sabi ko nga kanina, di na uso ang martir, pero eto ako. nagpapakamartir. kung saan ka masaya, sige lang. susuportahan kita. tutulungan kita. nandito lang ako para sa yo. pero… haaaaaaaaaay. yan. galit ako. nasasaktan ako. di ko lang pinapahalata kasi mas marami ka pang problema sa buhay ngayon. ayoko pang dumagdag diyan.

mahiwagang sansinukob, bat ganyan naman palagi? palaging may isang bahagi ng buhay na di maayos. at ginawa niyo pang gulu-guluhin yung non-existent love life ng isang hopeless romantic. di naman sa di ako nagpapasalamat para sa lahat ng oportunidad na dumarating. alam kong sa ibang mga bagay, napaka swerte ko. at alam kong kailangan ko lang talagang magtiis. at darating rin yan, siya. sa takdang panahon. naniniwala talaga akong mangyayari siya. may tiwala ako. pero minsan di ko talagang matiis na isipin “bakit di ngayon? bakit di siya?” pero sige. hindi siya. hindi ngayon. baka siya, di lang ngayon. ewan ko.

——

end rant.